the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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