Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
