i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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