Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
