i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
