I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
