ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize