and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
