we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
ttyl tear gas
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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