i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
