Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
