There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
