Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
