hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize