I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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