My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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