I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
