16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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