What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
