If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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