i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
