how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
