Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
