Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
