Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
