yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
