I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
