ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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