Im at strip club and am horny
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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