I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
