my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize