My sheets look like a crime scene.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
