what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Randomize
