that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
