Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
