What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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