apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
