I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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