Well apparently he's into motor boating.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
