i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
