How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
