Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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