Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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