I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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