My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
