I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
