Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
