I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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