a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
