I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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