So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
