it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
