he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
