The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
