if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
