Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
