dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize