Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
