Ambien. No doubt about it.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
