i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
