Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
