no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize