I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My vagina just recognized that song.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We're too hungover to prance.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
