I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
