well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
