don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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