she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
