I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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