And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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