i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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