and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Green mimosas i think yes
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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