oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
