what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
