my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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