I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
