I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
