I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
