a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
