Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Randomize
