I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
