grandma shit on top of the toilet
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
