So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
