reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
