he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
