here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
