I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You can't motorboat a personality
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
