dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize