O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
