every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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