Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The power of my boobs compel you
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
