He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
