She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Randomize
