nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
