Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Your cock deserves a montage
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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