Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
