She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
