i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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