New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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