Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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