New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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