Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
