No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
