she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
